Practice, practice, practice

Promises to Yourself By Christian D. Larsen

Promise yourself….
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind;
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet;
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them;
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true;
To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best;
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own;
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future;
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile;
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others;
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear; and too happy to permit the presence of trouble;
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds;
To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

The wrist is slowing me down and changing plans. Ouch! That hurts quite a bit given the planning and preparation for this fall. But, the fire is burning inside...sometimes there is no other choice, despite even the shrewdest skepticism, to believe that sometimes things happen for a reason.

I see the doctor again on monday 9/26 and will probably get the cast off. He'll also give me a good idea of when I can start racing again. I'm hoping to do Cross our Cancer in KC , but that will probably be too soon. We'll see. If not, Bubba #1.

The agony of amateur athletics

So I broke my wrist on the friday before my first weekend of cross racing. I wasn't even doing openers or anything cool. I was just spinning around making sure my bike worked when I was passing a runner with a dog on a wet asphalt bike bath. When I passed, the dog lurched at me a bit so I reflexively turned and had my front wheel slip out. I picked myself up and rode another 30 minutes. At the time my wrist hurt, but I went off road and told myself that if bumps didn't hurt it couldn't be broken. At 2am that night, I was thinking about it very differently.

First thing in the morning I ate breakfast and told my 2-yr-old and mom that I needed to go to the ER. I figured I'd decrease my wait time by brining a box of baked goodies...which actually worked, since about an hour after going in, I was walking our with a diagnosis of a broken distal radius.

The funny thing about the first day or so was that I really seemed to take it in stride. Oh well. More beer and cookies and rest and not training. Then monday started.

Let's just say that my work and academic situation at the moment is highly stressful and full of incredibly stupid and frustrating bullshit. By 5pm monday, I was about ready to curl-up in a ball. Tomorrow however, does not hold an hour or two of riding on the trail. Wednesday, I'll be cooking dinner for my family while my BoCoMo buddies are out on the CX practice course. Next saturday, I'll do a trainer ride then eat dinner and watch a movie instead of racing Hermann.

Don't get me wrong about the direction in which my writing is leading me...I really love what I do professionally and I LOVE my family. But shit. Racing and training to race helps me cope! I feel so....normal when I'm pissed off at 5pm and don't want to cook dinner and don't get to ride tomorrow. Normal sucks. And my wrist hurts. Shit my wrist hurts. Maybe if i had cable and could zone out and focus on other people's problems. Maybe reality TV would help? If not, I'm sure Fox news would convince me that I have lots of people to blame besides my own ego-driven desires and the frustrations/suffering we all experience.

The honest assessment of the situation is that cross season in this country is too long anyway. And missing the first 4-6 weeks only means that I don't peak and then have to re-peak again. Instead, I'll have 8-10 weeks of focus, fun, friends, and fall to lead up to the racing that matters for those of us who value the 'glory' of amateur racing...jersey's and bragging rights and maybe , just maybe, beating a bunch of jerks on a sure-to-be-cold day in Wisconsin in January (aka the national championships the first week of January).

Tall Oak 6hr...err 3hr race

Last week was a bit stressful. MU started classes again and I'm signed up to TA a cancer biology class (fitting right?) and am also taking 2 advanced immunology courses for my PhD. One is super hard, like reading 6-10 papers per week hard. The other is pretty easy and a lot of review.

I had really wanted to race the 6hr team category at Binder lake 6hr race, but various arrangements with 3 different partners all got messed up for various reasons. So, a few years ago I did this race and managed 2nd in the solo category on my SS, so I figured I was in better shape and wouldn't have a problem on gears.

First lap, I was riding with the top 5-6 guys, all of whom were riding on teams. I was still breathing out of my nose and RPE was probably around a 5 or 6, so I thought I'd be all good with a plan to slow down lap 2 and then keep it steady for the following 10 laps. I had looked at Winkler's times from a few years ago when he got 11 laps solo and I even had the necessary splits written down on a note card taped to my top tube.

Lap 2 was interesting. I was cruising at a nice endurance pace, knowing that there were no solo riders in front on me. I had my plan and I think it was a good one. I was eating, drinking, and having a great time. Not to imply that having a good time changed, but half-way through the lap I got passed by the local legend Sam Moore, who was both solo and flat-out hauling. Like XC pace hauling. I decided to follow him and soon realized that we weren't slowing down anytime soon. By lap 4, we were definitely on an 11lap pace. But man was I hurting, not even half-way into the race! My legs weren't the problem at all. Instead, the simple problem of riding my road and CX a ton more than my mountain bike this summer laid the foundation for seriously sore lower back, triceps, shoulders, and neck. Lap 5 I slowed way down, but the pain in those areas didn't feel any better. I ate and drank but no improvement. It started to really suck. I started thinking about the next few weeks and cross and simply decided to pull the plug at the end of lap 5.

I have no major regrets at all.

It was good to see my mountain bike friends again. I miss my buddies on team seagal and genuinely feel like I'm part of the best team around. Even though the Hub and Team Seagal are closely related, sibling teams and I love them both, my heart is always riding in a Seagal kit even when I line up wearing only the socks.

I think my plan for cross will be to ride for the Hub when I have teamates in the race and in my Seagal kit when I don't. My best buddy designed new kits for Seagal and I have to say the templates are the best looking kits around. We haven't ordered yet, but hopefully by the time CX season in in full swing!

Only 11 days til cross! The plan is for 3 hard days and the rest off or easy. I can't wait!

Goals for 2011/12 Cyclocross

1. Have fun. This isn't my job, and I absolutely love this sport.

2. Connect my cancer story and work experience to my hobby of racing bikes. Not sure how, but I am going to make this happen with the goals of:
a. Helping a larger cancer or health related cause
b. Helping people learn about living with a chronic disease, in my case thyroid cancer that is hanging-out (literally) in my lungs, vertebrae, and neck.
c. Inspiring and being inspired by those who live with the uncertainty of cancer..."fight"; win or loose, including patients, family members, friends, health professionals, or scientists. (I can write a book about how my day-to-day approach is not "fighting" per se, but rather a tender, accepting, loving, and often very painful experience....but in this case, "fight" will do just fine.

3. Keep racing healthy by balancing the stress physical preparation induces with excellent nutrition, meditation/stress management, and love of family and friends.

4. Training hard, learning from my cycling teachers, and giving everything I have on the cross courses of Gateway Cup and Madison USGP. We'll see what happens from there.

5. Defend St Louis (bubba) series first place overall finish from last year, enter the state championship and master's 30+ nationals mentally and physically prepared to stand on the top step of the podium.

6. If goal #5 ever interferes with goal #3, the goal will be letting go.

Cross is almost here!

I tend too not get bummed out if for some reason or another I can't make a mountain bike race happen. This past weekend were 2 that I would have liked to do, Spoke Pony and the SS-MO Championships. Work called both days in the morning...I'm trying to get a bunch of stuff in the lab done before the University starts up again on Monday. There are tons of students moving in this week and the amount of traffic in Columbia seems to have tripled.

On Saturday, I had a nice 3hr ride with some seated accelerations in preparation fro cross. Then Sunday, spend the morning in the lab and in the afternoon down in Jeff City at the MO state criterium race, which was nice because it started at 4pm. I really wanted to help Devin get the jersey. That was the goal for the race and the plan was too ride near the front, chase down threatening attacks if other's wouldn't and hopefully stay clear of danger. The plan worked great, except when the winning break took off, I had been off the front and got gassed quick. Devin bridged, but then they attacked hard and he was back with the pack.

Ok, field sprint. Well, it turns out Devin didn't need my help. We came out of the last corner in front of the pack with him leading (I think it was supposed to be the other way around, oh well) and then he took off. I went hard and always forget to use the curly things that stick out below my hoods...drops? Lots of fast dudes came around me and I finished somewhere in the middle.

My buddy Derek took some great shots:





Next definite race is finally a mountain bike race, Binder! I don't think I can make it this weekend, 8hrs in the car is just too much. But who knows, maybe I'll change my mind. Or maybe Indiana Jones James will finally come out and we'll be in St Louis anyway.

I do love me some cyclocross. I sure hope I don't take that shit too seriously and get all competitive and bent out of shape with myself. It is just too much of a positive activity to do that. But, it seems like I'm moving in that direction...2 bikes for the year, being selective about when too race, etc! At least both bikes are Konas, it seems that provides an ora of laid-backness to it!

Summer reflections

Cross is just around the corner and the dirt crits only have 2 more races! Pretty crazy that the summer has gone by so quickly. I haven't blogged much, mostly because I haven't had too much to say with respect to my cancer...which generally seems to be the more therapeutic and justifiable topic upon which to blorg. I mean blog. Bike racing, riding, and training this year is something I feel is simultaneously a selfish but extremely humbling and gratifying experience. I guess I should try to write more about the humbling and gratifying part.

With respect to dirt bike riding, other riders (namely Pirtle and Chris Ploch), the trails, weather, bike parts flatting or breaking, and training all keep kicking my butt. I'm glad I've been able to pull myself up each time, but there have been some nasty crashes while mountain biking and some close calls on the road. Time spent on the bike this year is around 280hrs and around 4000miles have been ridden. Last wednesday I was out doing 20min intervals and puked in my mouth. Jeez. This is totally and completely all for fun and even upon reflection looking back on the money spent, time taken from other parts of life, and the amount of energy going into riding...I guess I really am an adrenaline junkie. But strangely, probably 90% of my time riding I'm in a very different place with my mind, emotions, and spirit than the fight-or-flight catecholamine induced high of adrenaline pumping through my veins. I love this form of being outside and I love the feeling of crushing a steep hill and then shredding a downhill on my mountain bike. I love the sound and feeling of floating down the local farm roads on a road bike. And I love the solitude and beauty encountered while riding gravel roads that always, eventually, connect to the katy trail along the Missouri river, what an incredible part of this continent!

I'm addicted and I don't think I get addicted easily to things.

The racing is amazing, but I imagine at some point in the next 2-3 years (basically when I'm done with my research and PhD) racing probably won't happen at all. So it goes. This year I'm lucky enough to keep things pretty well balanced. I've found myself the homemaker, a very happy father and supportive husband, and still able to get some good work done as a scientist. And racing has fit in. I'm stoked to give it my all this year and next...keeping things super amateur, ultra-fun, and hopefully safe.

I spent some energy earlier this year trying to somehow unite all of what is above, with some type of cancer-service-based thing. I tried to get a race team involved with Pedal the Cause but things haven't worked out. I don't usually say this particular phrase, but 'it isn't meant to be'. I guess one of the reasons I'm drawn to science and medicine is that I just simply don't understand business. Oh well. It ultimately has just felt like this lofty goal was just some way of justifying an ultimately somewhat selfish activity. But like I said, I'm all good with that. Life is short, you gotta do things you love each and every day if you can.